I was walking over Milltown bridge the other evening and engraved in some now-dry cement were the words "Pope John Paul II We Love You".

First of all you can't blame the perpetrator for this act of Christian vandalism. God did set the ball rolling after all with his archaic etch-a-sketching on Mount Sinai. I suppose back then God never could have imagined that we would have felt-tip markers, spray paint and emulsion. He probably, quite reasonably, assumed that his subjects would not go to all the trouble of whipping out a hammer and chisel whenever they felt the need to express themselves permanently.

So with this in mind, what way would a Holy Graffitist be received at the Pearly Gates? Would St Peter turn him away (let's assume it's a he and not accuse me of sexism, ok ladies? It's a Graffitist. He's not a managing director, a chief executive or President of the yacht club).

St Peter: Hey, hey, hey. You. Hang on a second. Aren't you that Milltown graffiti guy? Show me that card.

Graffitist: Oh come on, Pete! I was devestated. I loved the old goat, you know?

SP: Graffiti is graffiti you know.

G: It's not like I wrote 'Jesus was overrated' or 'Mary was no more a Virgin than Anna Nicole Smith'.

SP: True. But think of the impact on the Irish tax payer. Regardless of the wholesomeness of your message, they're going to have to foot the bill for relaying that part of the footpath. Plus you have the inconvenience of having that side of the bridge cut off, inconveniencing passers by on their way to work in the morning.

G: Yeah but look at it this way. The more cost the tax payer has to endure, the more impact it could potentially have on the economy. Economy hits the skids, taxes start to rise, people start to feel the pinch. Hey presto, more and more turn back to religion like one of those peasant-filled Middle Eastern countries. God's back on the menu and you guys get a lot more action back on earth.

SP: Hmmmm....

G: So? Can I come in?

SP: No way. I'm sending you back down. And here .... take this hammer and chisel.