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Remember when it was fun to fly?
Tuesday, Nov 14, 2006, 11:14
Of course you don't. It never was.
"Walk here … do this … take that off … you haven't folded your ticket right." Being treated like a child is not something we aspire to as adults so why airline staff think we'd embrace it is beyond me.
But things took a turn for the worst in November when new EU regulations restricting the amount of liquids that could be brought on board came in to effect.
After British authorities broke up a terrorist plot this summer to blow up US-bound flights with liquid explosives, emergency measures were wheeled out, banning all liquids and gels from planes. Well, not all. Baby formula and medicines were exempt (terrorists wouldn't think of using these mediums to bring their explosives on you see).
The much-loved Michael O'Leary, CEO of Ryanair, called these initial restrictions "nonsensical and ineffective" and referred to them as "Keystone cop measures", which was rather hilarious.
But the EU have moved to shore up these emergency measures and have now ruled that passengers are limited to carrying no more than 100 millilitres of liquid per container, all of which must be carried in see-through, re-sealable bags (provided by ourselves, of course).
So that's separate 100ml containers of deodorant, of toothpaste, of suntan lotion and shaving gel. How flipping convenient.
A sniffer dog senses an inappropriate mix of Calvin Klein and Red Bull
As I walked past a table of dozens of confiscated goods at the check in gates the other day I almost felt compelled to make bids for the Pantene shampoo (smooth & sleek) and a can of Guinness.
But where will it end? There is a terrorist attack and the next day all sharp items are banned – tweezers, cuticle scissors and knitting needles ("Have you anything sharp on your person, sir?" "Only my integral razor-sharp wit, security dude.").
Then liquid explosives suddenly become a threat. Now check-in luggage is unavoidable and a serious pain in the ass for us light travellers who like to avoid the queues at the slow-moving luggage belt of doom.
What happens when the terrorists work out how to self-combust or use mind-power to blow up planes? Will we all be put in to temporary comas on boarding?
My solution is to let the traveller decide. When booking your flight online, an extra check box should be made available stating:
"Tick the box if you are willing to allow liquids on board and subsequently burden yourself with the minimal risk from terrorist activity on your flight from Dublin to Humberside".
If everyone agrees, you're in the clear! Now where is my nitroglycerin?
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